Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize