It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
