i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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