Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
