im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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