If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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