so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize