I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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