if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
