Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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