i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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