Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
