apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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