You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
