dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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