i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
