i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
