I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
