real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
