i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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