Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
