I got chris browned last night
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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