Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You're like the curious george of whores
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
