I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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