well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
