alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
