My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
