trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
