Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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