I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
