I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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