hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
