Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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