she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
