I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
