This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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