Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
