Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
