my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
