just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
