I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
3pm strippers are depressing
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
