I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
