yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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