Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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