Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
