If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
