we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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