Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
