he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think i have two assholes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
