I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
