You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
