Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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