I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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