You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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