Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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